Friday, December 2, 2011

Sick + Angry

omg. I am so pissed off right now, I just HAD to come on this blog and post about my retarded experience today. I am just about fed up with this Spanish insanity and laziness. As none of you know, since I haven't updated my blog in forever (sorry), I have the stomach flu. On Monday night, I came down with a blazing fever and had muscle cramps and a full body ache the next day coupled with a pounding headache and an excruciating stomach pain. And of course, you can't complete a stomach flu without constant explosive diarrhea. So, that has been my story for the past couple days. Yet, I still made that hour long walk to school everyday because if I miss one more day, I will fail. Luckily, I have no class today, which allows me to provide you guys with this new experience.

Anyway, getting back to my story. I couldn't sleep at all last night so I ended up spending an all nighter due to the pain I was in. While staying up, I suddenly got this epic craving for some good 'ol american Micky D's. Not just any Micky D's, though, I wanted a nice, classic Big Mac Combo #1. Now, is that too much to ask? Apparently, yes. It also doesn't help that the nearest McDonald's is a 30 minute bus ride away. But, I hadn't had real food in 4 days and I was seriously craving a fucking Big Mac. I don't know why. There are advertisements all over the city btw about the "ABIERTO 24 HRS! McDONALD ESTACION DE AUTOBUS!" pretty much the 24 hour Micky Ds next to the bus station. Remembering this, I thought to myself, well, fuck it...with that Micky Ds being 24 hours, it's probably the only thing open at this time (09:30). I then thought, "oh shoot! wait! What if they're still on the breakfast menu!?" so I almost backed out of going until later, but then I realized by the time I finally arrived at McDonald's taking the slow ass bus in traffic jam-packed Granada, it would probably be "regular menu time."

Well, sick 'ol me painfully got my shit together and my clothes on to head on out to what I was expecting to be my own demise. I was honestly planning how I would hold in my diarrhea (if it came to that) during the bus ride back home. I later figured it would probably be best to just sit it out at Micky Ds and completely fuck up their bathroom before catching a bus back. Anyway, there I was, half-dead, sick with a stomach flu, and sleep deprived, sitting in the bus listening to some stupid annoying ass little shit of a baby cry his lungs out for the entire ride. I wanted to throw the baby out the window or stuff it down it's mother's throat for not doing anything about the fucking baby. I hate crying babies....but I hate parents that don't do anything about them, even more...

10:26. I finally arrive at the bus station and begin my 100m walk to the nearby 24 hour McDonald's. Alas, all my pain and suffering was about to pay off. I saw those lovely golden arches as I got closer and the giant 24 hour sign in front of me. I was starting to feel a bit better on this cold, dark, and gloomy Friday morning. Then, as I approached the door, I noticed something weird. All the lights were off.

wtf ?

Maybe they are trying to save energy I thought..

"Tirar" the door said. So I pulled the door.


wtf ?

so I Pushed the door...


still nothing....
still locked...

how about the other door?



don't tell me this motherfucker is closed..


Then I noticed a sticker on the door with the REAL "Horarios" or hours of business...

Mon - Thur: 1300-2300
Friday:         1200-0000
Sat - Sun:    1200-0100

Exactly. wtf is this shit... All of my rage. All of my pain. All of my sorrow. All of my disappointment.

FUCK YOU SPAIN!!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR LAZY ASS AND YOUR PIECE OF SHIT WORK ETHIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

all of my rage. I'm too sick and tired to be angrier. or else I would have gone on a full out rampage rant....I wish I could. But...sigh. All I wanted was to fulfill my craving for a goddamn Big Mac. A delicious Big Mac. But no... I couldn't even have that. Instead, I had to spend 2.40 euros for a fucking 1.2 hour exhausting bus ride just for shits n giggles. Awesome. and now I'm here...still sleep deprived. still sick. still angry...and still hungry. Fuck you Spain.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Completely Irrelevant to the Topic of This Blog -- My Frustration With Women Today

Now, this post has nothing to do with the topic of this blog, which I have been using as somewhat of a journal, but I came across this passage online and I felt compelled to share it on my blog. More and more I see these ludicrous outcries from women crying out for equality without sacrificing anything and more and more, it is leading to my frustration. Had I started this blog sooner, I would have probably blogged extensively on my arguments / debates with my feminist socialist spanish teacher during the month of August. Boy, was that entertaining. Anyway, here is what I would like to share with you:

"Women back in the olden days had a different social status.

While they were not considered equals and expected to do what men told them (a shitty status to be sure) they did enjoy a certain special respect (at least in polite society) Men were supposed to take their hats off to a lady, open doors, and lay their coat over a mud puddle so she wouldn't get her feet wet. Men were expected to do the hard work and bring home the money. Women behaving badly were just understood to be "hysterical" or "emotional" and given a pass on a lot of stuff men would never be allowed to get away with. There were a lot of other things, both more fair and very unfair to women but you get the point.

But there was a women's rights movement where woman sought equal status with men. This to me seems pretty fair. A woman should have the same rights as a man, if she does the same job she should get the same pay. Women can be leaders, vote, etc,etc. This all seems just and fair and I'm pretty much on board here. Most women believe this too...

Trouble is, they want all the equality AND still want the special social status. And that just doesn't fly. It's all equality this and "I can do any job a man can do" that... but then when the shit hits the fan they'll still play the "I'm just a girl and I'm overwhelmed/tired/scared" card and expect the man to take care of business.

Or they come home after a hard day and bawl their eyes out because things are "hard". Well you wanted to be equal... guess what happens if a man did that every other day? She probably dumps him for being such a whiner. Men usually have the sense to know life is hard and to just STFU and deal with it in their own way though...

In all fairness too.. not all women are like that. But most of them are... and most is enough."

This man speaks the truth. Let me know what you guys think.

Also, since I have been inspired by a buddy of mine, I will be posting some of my favorite pics relevant to this topic of "woman logic." Hopefully they turn out alright / legible. If the pic is too small you can click on it to enlarge it. If that doesn't work "CTRL + Click" will open it up in a new window and you can enlarge the picture to read if need be. Here goes:

Priceless expression. Sometimes this is exactly how I feel.

This one is actually pretty relevant to the post above.

As is this one.

Pretty much what I want to say.

I will now proceed to post pictures that aren't necessarily 100% relevant to the above post, but definitely expose "woman logic" at its finest. I will begin with a picture that depicts the female mind.

Figure 1. The Female Mind

Some pretty interesting statistics.  The top  study on the top right proves that women are evil, jealous, and predatory creatures.

I know some girls will say, "ya, well I usually dress for other girls..not guys"
My response: "wtf. are you gay?"

So typical

Makes perfect sense!

I don't even know what to say to this one...

Nor this one...

Heed the warnings my mates...heed them...
Yet they want to be a modern woman.. "liberated" and able to make it in life on their own...

 The following are in no particular order, but I'm sure you guys can relate to most of these:

I know all you military guys can probably relate to this one. If this happens, make sure you teach her a lesson

And of course, a quote from my favorite comedian of all time:

"Oh uh-uh, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a whore!" Which is true. Gentlemen, that is true. Just because they dress a certain way doesn't mean they are a certain way. Don't ever forget it. But ladies, you must understand that is fucking confusing. It just is. Now that would be like me, Dave Chappelle, the comedian, walking down the street in a cop uniform. Somebody might run up on me, saying, "Oh, thank God. Officer, help us! Come on. They're over here. Help us!" "Oh-hoh! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a police officer!" See what I mean? All right, ladies, fine. You are not a whore. But you are wearing a whore's uniform." - Dave Chappelle

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Super Mega Euro Trip coming up

So I've been slacking so hard ever since that Tenerife trip and I haven't been able to catch up on updating my blog! This is turning out to be a lot harder than expected...anyway I'm sorry I couldn't update the Tenerife story all the way, but it looks like it's going to have to wait some more! Oh God..

Starting this evening, I will be embarking on a journey across Europe...
Best decision to miss class? Probably not, but with all my problems with registration, I might as well do something worthwhile.

So.. the itinerary:

Tuesday       OCT 25: Granada -> Barcelona
Wednesday. OCT 26: Barcelona -> London
Thursday      OCT 27: Check Out London
Friday          OCT 28: Check Out London
Saturday      OCT 29: London -> Copenhagen  + SENSATION WHITE
Sunday        OCT 30: Copenhagen -> Amsterdam
Monday       OCT 31: Halloween in AMSTERDAM!!
Tuesday       NOV 1: Recover + check out Amsterdam
Wednesday  NOV 2: Amsterdam -> Malaga
Thursday      NOV 3: Malaga -> Rome
Friday          NOV 4: Check out Rome
Saturday      NOV 5: Check out Rome
Sunday        NOV 6: Rome -> Granada

Dear God....this is going to be one hell of a trip! I can only hope and pray that everything goes well :)

Friday, September 30, 2011


Hey guys,

This past week has been unbelievably hectic I haven't been able to update this blog. It's my loss as well because I feel like I won't be able to recollect everything that has happened and go into great detail, so I'm kind of disappointed that I wasn't able to write some more. Anyway, my month long intensive spanish course has ended and I've got some time off before classes kick off again, so I'll be heading to the Canary Islands, specifically, Tenerife South from now until the 5th of October.

To be honest, I'm a bit worried because I'm supposed to be taking classes at the real University of Granada, but I've been having some serious issues with registration. For some reason I'm not even registered as a student in the system. That isn't my biggest problem, though; the semesters here in Spain end in February whereas the semesters back in the States end in December. So, I don't even know if I'll be able to enroll and receive credit for classes here, but I absolutely need to receive some type of credit or else I will die when I get back to my school in the US. I can only pray that everything works out!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

A Sad Saturday

Wow. Where do I even begin? A lot has happened since Wednesday, but I don't want this post to be pages long, so I'll just give a brief rundown of what has been goin on.

First off, I am now alone in my homestay. The two Norwegian girls left this morning :( and then the Polish chick left shortly after :( What was once a fun party in the household with me + 3 other girls has turned into a solemn reminder that I am here alone in a different country. Noooo. I really miss those girls now. Sigh. Oh well.

Since the girls had to be in the house at 11 because of the curfew set by their program, we just waited until 12:00 to sneak out. The plan was to meet up with my buddy at Granada10 for free drinks, but their curfew foiled our plans, so we just went to a Chupiteria (bar w/ mixed shots only) instead. After the Chupiteria, we decided to go check out a new place called Kapital in Granada for an ERASMUS party, but the place was dead so we decided to stick to our original plan and head over to Granada10 for ladies' night. I was on the guest list, but apparently I was supposed to come before 12, so I ended up having to pay the cover fee. When we arrived at around 1:30, the place was starting to fill up; we skipped the bar and headed straight to the dance floor until the girls went to go grab another drink and take a little break.

The ERASMUS party was supposed to be at Kapital, but there were more europeans here than there were PEOPLE at Kapital. Met some awesome German, Belgian, Polish, French, and Lithuanian girls that night and was kicking it with them while the Norwegian girls did their thing. I occasionally met up with the Norwegians to see how they were doing throughout the night and every time I saw them they were more and more drunk because of all the free drinks they kept on receiving haha. By the end of the night, we were up on one of the stages dancing away with me in between both of them and the spotlight on us (awesome). Through the course of the night, the shorter blonde girl apparently hit it off with this random guy and when the club was about to close, the taller girl grabbed me to go save the shorter one.

We found her sitting on a couch with the guy and when we told her that we had to go, the shorter girl wasn't too happy. She said she'd meet us outside so I said alright, but her friend insisted on staying until she left, so the shorter girl got mad, but finally left with us. It was about 6AM when we left the club and the shorter one was all pouty because we made her leave so abruptly, but during the 20 minute walk back home, I managed to brighten her up by cracking jokes here and there. Eventually, everyone's attention was drawn to these two guys from the club who seemed to be following us, but it just turned out that they lived right by us. We ran into them as we looped around to get some food and they joined us. Unfortunately, the kebab place closeby was closed, so we resorted to scrounging around the overpriced 24 hour shop for some food. I picked up a coke and the girls got themselves some packaged sandwiches that looked awful, but I guess they were really hungry. It was so cute haha.

We finally got back in the house around 7AM and stayed up for breakfast. During breakfast it was really amusing to watch the two hungover/half-dead Norwegian girls try to eat. The best part was knowing that I could sleep after breakfast while the girls were at class haha. I never asked them how class went that day, but I'm sure it couldn't have been fun. Overall: Epic Night once again.

I had plans to go out, but I was still recovering from a couple hours ago, so I slept right through my plans. Fail.

No!! All the girls' last night in Spain! :(

I had some business to take care of after class in booking my trip to the Canary Islands this upcoming Friday, so I headed over to my buddy's house for about an hour and a half to iron things out. It was a pretty big waste of time imo, because most of it was spent waiting for other people to arrive with their information (passport number, etc.) so that we could book the trip. Apparently, I was sent a message on FB to bring 47euros for a bus ticket, but I never got it, so I felt really bad for not being able to pay this random girl for the bus ticket she got me. Hmm. They were still lolligagging after an hour and a half, so I just got up and left because I was really hungry and dinner was probably waiting for me back at my place.

I took this weird route home and it was so interesting because I got to see another side of Granada that I had never seen before. It felt really alive and vibrant in this side of town with lots of boutique shops and cafes filled with locals enjoying their "dinner" at 9:30PM. The streets were filled with people doing whatever they do here in Spain...come to think of it, I actually have no idea why there are always so many people out in the streets late at night. But it always looks like everyone is on a mission to do something. No one is ever just strolling along the streets. Hmm.

I finally got back to my apartment and indeed, dinner was waiting for me. None of the girls were home yet, so after I finished dinner I went to go lay down on my bed and for some reason I instantly fell asleep. I was woken up at around 11:30 by the two Norwegians (+1) who were excited as ever to go out. They asked if I was going to go out that night so I responded to their stupid question with an "are you serious?" look. They had brought with them another Norwegian friend of theirs from their program and told me that she was going to be coming out with us that night. Triple Awesome. But first, they had to go back to their friend's house to drop her off in time for the curfew and sneak out later. I figured that would take some time so I went back to sleep. I don't know why I was so tired that night, but I just couldn't stay awake!

Anyway, I got woken up again at around 12:30 and we headed out for the same chupiteria at around 1. On Wednesday, everyone had 3 quick shots and got out of there, but tonight was different. Tonight was the last night for "dese guhls" I don't know what got into the them, but they just didn't stop ordering shots haha. Each one of them took 8 wonderfully delicious "cocktail shots" or chupitos. After about 30 minutes and thoroughly inebriated, we headed out to the best club in town, Mae West. We had no trouble getting in and once we did, the party was on! The girls had to be back in the house by 5 to pack up, eat breakfast, and walk to the bus station by 7, so time was of the essence! I guess they figured the same because once we got in the club, they completely went nuts! I thought they were crazy on Wednesday night, but they completely blew me away on Friday. I didn't know they had it in them haha.

A bit after we got in the club, the taller blonde girl said she was tired, so she got 2 vodka/red bulls and downed them -_- omg. After about an hour she was completely gone. I talked to some local spaniards about it and they said 8 shots isn't a lot, but I thought it was and I don't know of any girls that can take 8 shots straight up. So after those 8 and 2 more glasses, I totally expected the tall blonde chick to pass out. Miraculously, she was still walking on her own and dancing her ass off haha what a champ. Around 4 however, she headed over to the bathroom with her friend saying she wasn't feeling well. A couple minutes later, her friend came back, pushing and shoving her way through the crowded club to come get me. She had a look of horror on her face and was freaking out. She told me I had to come help her friend immediately, so I was freaking out myself, assuming the worst. I thought she had fallen over and hit her head or had gotten abducted by some creepy guys.

Before I even got the chance to stop her and ask what was going on, I got dragged into the bathroom...

(and had hot steamy obnoxiously loud sex in one of the stalls. haha jk.)

and laughed my ass off when I saw the tall blonde chick yakking. I looked at her friend and said, "that's it?! that was the emergency?! omg. -___- " But all was well because it was just so funny / cute watching this girl freak out over her friend throwing up thinking she was going to die. hahahaha. Oh man, gotta love teens :) We decided it was probably a good idea to head back to the house, so we rounded up the other girl and took her back to her place and began the trek back to our own. Three horribly drunk girls: one barely able to walk, one FREAKING OUT, one skipping around everywhere. and me. It must have been quite a sight to the observer.

When we finally got back to our place, I did the usual to nurse up the tall blonde who was on the verge of passing out. All the while, her friend was clinging to my arm with these puppy eyes asking if she was going to be okay. It was adorable and hilarious at the same time. I don't know if it was an act or if she genuinely didn't know, but I will never forget her freaking out and worrying so much about her friend. It was quite precious. Since dah guhls had already packed their bags and we had gotten back from the club a bit early, I figured the taller blonde could use some much needed sleep for the remaining hour or so they had left. So, I tucked her in and she instantly fell asleep haha. Then it was just me and her friend.

(Will continue later)

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

It's Wednesday, baby.

Time: 0400 21 September 2011. Can't sleep, so  I'll write another post.

On Saturday, two Norwegian chicks moved in with me in the homestay. Both blonde, one short, one tall. They seemed a bit shy when I first met them, but the other night they came into my room and asked me to take them out! Haha...awesome. Unfortunately, they're only staying for one week, but that just makes them want to go even crazier when they go out. As always, Wednesday is "Ladies Night" at Granada10 with an open bar until 12:30, so that's where we'll be headed tonight. Hopefully along the way, we'll stop by some tapas bars and meet some more people!

Haven't had the time to fill you guys in about the weekend, so I'll start with Friday. When I got back from class on Friday, the other girl living with me from Poland (I live with 3 other girls now) asked me if I wanted to join her friends and go out tonight. Well, I didn't have any other plans, so, "hell, why not?" I thought. She then asked if I was okay with the fact that her group consisted entirely of girls. No. No, polish girl, I am not okay with the fact that I will be going out with 6 girls tonight. Never! (They ended up bringing this random guy from Sweden, so it wasn't really just 6 girls, unfortunately.) So we started off the night by heading over to a Chupiteria called "69." A chupiteria is a place where they sell shots and this particular one had over 100 combinations of shots with interesting names for their mixes like: Amazoness, Pussy, Clit, Fire, The Destroyer, etc. best of all? Each shot was just 1 Euro. After taking about 4 shots, we decided to head out and wander around for a bit. Somewhere along the way, we got caught by a couple of promoters for this bar real close by and they gave us a little ticket for  BOGO drinks. We couldn't turn the offer down, so we headed over to a place called Teatro Neptuno, which was surprisingly a really nice bar / lounge. Turns out it's just around the corner from where I live and I never even knew it existed! Got myself the usual mojito and a gin and tonic as my free drink. There were some really drunk Spaniards at the bar creepin on the girls in our group, so we decided to head out to the club, Mae West.

Now, I had heard from many of the locals that Mae West was THE best club in Granada, but I was a little skeptical because:
1_it is located inside of a mall
2_I had passed by it and it didn't look too appealing from outside
3_I live right next to it in a somewhat residential neighborhood

With that in mind, we headed up to the top floor of the mall and walked through an outdoor lounge that was connected to the club. When we got to the entrance, we had to pay a 10 Euro cover fee, which I thought was completely ridiculous, but at least it was better than Kapital in Madrid which cost 20. Dear God. Anyway, up until this point I was pretty skeptical about the club, but as soon as the doors opened, I was blasted with the orgasmic soundwaves of heavy house, chilled out trance, and greeted with the wonderful sight of girls in skimpy dresses. :queue heavenly choir: I thought to myself, "damn...tonight's going to be a good night." And indeed it was. We danced our faces off for a couple hours until we decided we should probably take a break and head over to the bar. On my way, I was ambushed by this blonde girl in my class who had this "SAVE ME!!!" look on her face, which subsequently made me laugh. I took the queue and grabbed her away from some random guy and asked what was up. She said she had a new appreciation for American guys and thanked me for saving her from this guy who was apparently feeling her up in all the wrong places hahaha. Her comment actually made no sense though because after a couple minutes we were just like any other Americans in the club, grinding away and drawing dirty looks from all the local Spaniards in the vicinity. The facial expressions riddled with disgust on all the Spanish girls were classic. While we were getting down, we kept crashing into this group of locals who were clearly irritated, but they were just standing there like furniture, so I figured we had the right of way since we were actually dancing on the dance floor. To make matters worse, we photobombed a couple of their pictures haha. Awesome time. After a while things were getting a little dull, so we each went our separate ways to find our friends. The european girls I came with were still at the bar, apparently "looking" for me. Half of the group wanted to go out back onto the dance floor, but the other half was just sitting there. The polish chick was noticeably wasted, so I suggested to take her back home since it didn't look like she was going to make it very far on her own. Not wanting to split the group up, the other girls decided to leave with us as well. How boring of them.

Anyway, it was then that I realized at 5AM how FAMISHED I was. Holy hell! I needed.... a KEBAB. Luckily for us, there was a kebab place literally right outside the club that was still open! Awesome! After a great night, finishing it off with a fat juicy kebab was heavenly. I was enlightened. Mae West is indeed THE BEST club in Granada.

 At about 5:30AM we made our way back home and as we were leaving the club, local Spaniards were still ARRIVING. There was even a queue outside the club! WTF! +1 to Spaniards. They party hard.

"Johnny, la gente esta muy loca!"

Sunday, September 18, 2011

A New Week..

Decided not to be lazy and look under the settings tab to change my time zone. So, that's all done and fixed. Today's Sunday and that means two things: 
1) Everything is closed in Spain
2) Football

I befriended the owner of some Irish pub the other day who said he'd show NFL and NCAAFB whenever I dropped by. He also offered me some drinks, so I guess I should pay him a visit and take him up on his offer! Place is called Paddy's Sports Pub conveniently located right next to my school, but unfortunately, that makes it a 25 minute walk for me. Either way, I'll be heading over there tonight to catch some games and down some brewskis. Best part about it is that the best Kebab place in town is right across the calle! King Kebab + Football. Today's going to be a good day.